Are you really prepared for feedback from friends? I made a very big mistake. Tired, ready for bed and grateful that my sermon for Sunday was finished after hours of concentrated prep, I asked for my wife’s honest input on the sermon. (OK, I really didn’t want honest feedback.) I just wanted her stamp of approval, a pat of the head and an enthusiastic “Good job Michael!”
Her reaction? “Meh.” (OK, she didn’t say that, but that’s all I heard.)
Instantly electricity flowed through me. I bit my tongue before I asked why she thought it was just “OK?” My mild defense was that it was theologically accurate, engaged a wide swath of the potential audience, and even had a few laughs inserted in areas to keep the listener’s attention.
“Well, it just doesn’t pop, and it isn’t specific enough. It’s kind of general.” Then she recommended a few books I should read to help me craft a better sermon on parenting.
*Not only did she recommend books, she pulled four from various shelves around the house and handed them to me. I felt like I was back in seminary. I was bruised, but not broken. Melissa loves me and is my biggest fan. If she holds up the yield sign on my sermon, I should proceed with caution.
So I took her advice.
And three hours later, into the wee hours of Friday, I had a message that was much better than Version 1.0.
Surviving Feedback From Friends
1. Don’t ask for feedback unless you intend to receive it with humility and openness.
Too often we ask for feedback when all we really want is praise. This gets old really fast, and doesn’t promote growth and development. Ask Siri to tell you that you look good today and she will say, “I am not one to dwell on appearances.” (I have no idea how I know this…). If your electronic assistant won’t prop you up with platitudes, why should your spouse or closest friend? If you ask, be ready to receive. And do it with grace, not defense.
